We tend to live in the expectations of others, and these expectations can become the very ones we put on ourselves. The biggest sign of living in these expectations is when you start saying the word “should”. “Should” is a red flag word in my books. Anytime someone says you SHOULD do something, stop and analyze the statement.
Based on what?
Are these facts or feelings?
A lot of the time, whether we’d like to admit it or not, should is based on feelings. Our egos like to trick us into thinking that it is based on facts. Unfortunately, our biases tend to skew which facts that we let into the conversation. Most people pay more attention to the evidence that points to what they already want to believe is true.
So, how can you get out of your own head and stop this?
Some red flag statements here can look like:
“Oh, you can’t do that because…”
Examine the “because”, ask questions, and see if there is any evidence to support the other side of the argument. Also, consider the place that this person is coming from. If someone who has never owned a business tells you that you can’t start your own...what expertise do they have? What are THEY basing this on, exactly?
“It’ll be safer if you just...”
I can tell you, as an entrepreneur, the most successful of us did not do as we were told. We followed our own intuition and that can be really scary to the people who are looking for the “stability” of a job and the comfort of an authority figure. Think about all those wildly successful people who went against the normative professional culture and started something on their own, even though they were told they’d never make it.
(see this fun list of famous people who “Failed Their Way to Success” for some inspiration)
“I know someone who _______________, and _______________ happened to them.”
Remember what I said about skewed biases. I guarantee you there are other people who did what you are doing, and they were successful in their endeavours. You now have some information about one outcome. Instead of listening to the fear and stopping in your tracks, find the people who had the outcome you are working towards. They are the ones you need to hear from.
Once you have gathered your information, make a decision that comes from your KNOWING. A decision that comes from a place of love.
If you read the above and your first thought was outward, something like:
“Oh my goodness, I wish (so and so) would do this exercise! They are so biased/wrong in their outlook and opinions!”
I challenge you to examine your own bias on the subject.
Are you basing this belief on fact or feeling?
Cheers to Your Growth!
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I often receive guidance from all sorts of places. The guidance comes through auditory, sight, my emotions and occasionally, I receive messages through dreams. Last night I had a dream about a very large, dilapidated house. We are talking about “The Haunting” level of house, but if the ghosts really let it go. I knew that I could not fix the whole thing myself, but there were a few areas that I know enough about to be able to start work on those.
There were other people surrounding me, shaking their heads, saying they didn’t know how to fix the house. While I understood that they didn’t know how to fix the whole house, I would ask them, “What area of a house do you know how to fix?”. Because all of us know how to fix something, right? You have those of us who have learned to fix the section through experience, you have others who have learned more because they have a passion for it, and there are those that specialize in fixing certain sections of houses. Some of us don’t know how to “fix” per se, but we can wield a mean broom and mop! All of us together is what makes the difference in fixing up the house. There is no one person who knows how to fix every aspect of the house…except for maybe Mike Holmes.
Can you translate that over to your business as though your business is the house? There is no way that you are an expert in every area that you need for your business to function optimally… and that’s OK.
Does that mean that you only work on one section and hope for the best? Does that mean you work on one section, then look at the entirety of it and say, “Well, this isn’t worth much, I give up!”
Do you rate yourself because you’ve done such a poor job on the rest of the house that you didn’t know how to fix by yourself?
So many people take the path of one of the above. You can apply this to your life, your business, your relationships...any aspect of your journey, really. The path you choose often depends on your perspective.
When I first entered the world of business, there was so much talk about competition. It was always about looking out for your competition and trying to best them in the same arena. I never found that to work for me. I always felt like if I could build a community and collaborate with others, that was my best chance at survival in the business world. I have found this to be extremely true. If you are sitting only in a place of looking for your competition, then that is all you will be doing; comparing yourself to others.
When you build relationships, and engage in collaborations with others, your success comes more easily.
Now, was competition ACTUALLY the prevalent business focus for everyone when I started, or was that simply my PERCEPTION of the world at the time?
Two people walk into a room. One person looks around and thinks to themselves how dusty and disgusting the room is, and how much they would like NOT to be in the room anymore. This person wouldn’t like to sit or explore; they would prefer to leave. The other person looks around and thinks how quaint the room is. They notice a rose sitting on the table as the light streams in through the window and makes the dust on it glisten as though it is sparkling, full of magic.
Now, I ask you, which person is right?
Is the room disgusting or is it quaint? The answer is that BOTH of them are right, because they have both observed accuracies of the room.
The difference is the observer bias, or the “colored glasses“ they were wearing at the time they observed the room. These glasses are due to a multitude of factors, including their paradigms, how they were feeling that day, and even their physiology. Perhaps the one observing all of the dust and disgustingness is actually allergic to dust. That doesn’t mean either of them is wrong.
What’s especially important here is that if only in observation, neither of them can visually change anything in the room, they can only affect their perception of it. I would however, make an argument that they would be able to impact the energy of that room. If you were to show up second to either, you may be biased in one direction or another, based on their vibration. This is just like when you walk into a room and you can tell there’s been a tense situation even if there are no visual cues.
You have an incredible power to choose how you perceive any given situation.
You have the power to determine what area of your business is the best for you to work in, and where you need help.
What colour are your glasses?
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Creating or growing a business that fulfills you on multiple levels takes intention. Most people want to have a roadmap from all those who went before them to guarantee success. Makes sense, right? Who wouldn’t want a step by step guide! However, you don’t need to have a roadmap in order to get started and even if you had one, it wouldn’t necessarily be the perfect path for you. As I work with all my clients, observing where they struggle and continue my own personal growth, I have narrowed the focus to three keys to business success.
Do you believe you can achieve it?
One of the first things that needs to be in place for your business is your BELIEF that you can achieve what you desire. This makes total sense to most people. After all, if you don’t believe you can do something, it’s going to be anywhere on the scale of struggle to impossible to achieve your goals. If you know about the Universal Laws, you know that if you want to attract something, you need to have belief.
One of the roadblocks that entrepreneurs encounter here is that they may find it difficult to believe they can achieve something if they are unsure of the ‘how’. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the how. The how will come.
Are you willing to do it?
Next, you need to be willing to take ACTION. Your action is your demonstration of belief. You are demonstrating to yourself and the world around you, that you believe that you can achieve what you desire. It can be a small thing like sending an e-mail, to as large as a huge monetary investment in your business. If you can take action, over and over, in this belief of the success of your business, you will move towards that success. The path may not look how you imagined it would, but the best paths are rarely straight lines.
One more reminder: you don’t need to know how you are going to get all the way to your goal, just take it one step at a time and just like the horizon, the end will become clearer.
Do you deserve this success?
Lastly, and this is the most overlooked key when I talk to business owners...you need to believe you DESERVE the success you desire. You can bounce around with the first two keys and achieve some moderate success or even some great success...but it will likely be short lived.
In order to get yourself into the vibration of what you desire so that you can attract it to you, you need to feel that you deserve it. Spend some time sitting with this key.
If you are a meditator, meditate on it.
If you are a journal keeper, write it all out.
If you enjoy some talk therapy, talk to someone you trust, a mentor or a business coach.
Make sure this person believes in your ability to achieve what you desire. It’s not every entrepreneur that has a great support system that will keep them grounded and growing, so don’t waste your breath talking to people who have not supported you or actively put down your venture. A little bit of constructive criticism is always welcome, but fear and questioning your abilities to achieve at every step is not.
So, when you are looking at your desires, can you answer yes to the three questions:
Do you believe you can do it?
Are you willing to take action to achieve it?
Do you deserve this success?
If any of these key answers are “No” for you, start exploring them.
The third one is where most people get stuck, so don’t feel bad if that’s your only no.
If you get stuck, reach out for help.
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