Blog: But SHOULD You? : Exploring Your Expectations and Beliefs in Order to Grow

We tend to live in the expectations of others, and these expectations can become the very ones we put on ourselves. The biggest sign of living in these expectations is when you start saying the word “should”. “Should” is a red flag word in my books. Anytime someone says you SHOULD do something, stop and analyze the statement.

Should you?
Based on what?
Are these facts or feelings?

A lot of the time, whether we’d like to admit it or not, should is based on feelings. Our egos like to trick us into thinking that it is based on facts. Unfortunately, our biases tend to skew which facts that we let into the conversation. Most people pay more attention to the evidence that points to what they already want to believe is true.

So, how can you get out of your own head and stop this?

1. Examine your own biases by taking in the statements of others. 
   
   
2. Analyze both sides of each statement.
   
   
3. Ask questions, making especially sure to question anything that comes from a lower vibration like fear or hate.
   
   

When you ask your questions, be aware of that FEAR - aka. False Evidence Appearing Real.

Some red flag statements here can look like:

“Oh, you can’t do that because…”
Examine the “because”, ask questions, and see if there is any evidence to support the other side of the argument. Also, consider the place that this person is coming from. If someone who has never owned a business tells you that you can’t start your own...what expertise do they have? What are THEY basing this on, exactly?

“It’ll be safer if you just...”
I can tell you, as an entrepreneur, the most successful of us did not do as we were told. We followed our own intuition and that can be really scary to the people who are looking for the “stability” of a job and the comfort of an authority figure. Think about all those wildly successful people who went against the normative professional culture and started something on their own, even though they were told they’d never make it.

(see this fun list of famous people who “Failed Their Way to Success” for some inspiration)

“I know someone who _______________, and _______________ happened to them.”
Remember what I said about skewed biases. I guarantee you there are other people who did what you are doing, and they were successful in their endeavours. You now have some information about one outcome. Instead of listening to the fear and stopping in your tracks, find the people who had the outcome you are working towards. They are the ones you need to hear from.

Once you have gathered your information, make a decision that comes from your KNOWING. A decision that comes from a place of love.

Side Challenge:
If you read the above and your first thought was outward, something like: 
“Oh my goodness, I wish (so and so) would do this exercise! They are so biased/wrong in their outlook and opinions!”
I challenge you to examine your own bias on the subject.

Are you basing this belief on fact or feeling?

• What evidence is there to support your belief? (This one is easy)
• What evidence is there to support THEIR belief? (Here comes the tough part!)
  
  

It’s not about forcing you to change your mind, but it could allow you a chance to explore yourself, and maybe even cultivate a greater empathy for the other person.

Cheers to Your Growth!

Looking for a community of growth minded entrepreneurs? Head over to my FREE Facebook Group: Align Your Business with Jennifer Walker

If you are having trouble examining your beliefs, reach out for a FREE consultation.